However, while I am extremely blessed in life and I can honestly say that I wouldn't change any of the big stuff, I do get down sometimes and tend to get frustrated easily. And I think it's important to be honest about those things. No one wants to read about people who have their lives completely together because first, no one really does and you're lying if you say you do and second, there's no connection to those types of people.
I didn't get anything done today for the reasons I stated above, but felt that maybe I would feel better if I put this post out there and that writing this would alleviate some of the frustrations.
Although I am 100% confident in my decision to leave my previous job, I am more than ready for a new job and I knew it would be hard, but not this hard. I am looking into some programs that I'm very excited about (more on that soon) and have come across some great leads through my parents and Ryan's parents, but still no job. Over the past couple of months, I have begun to figure out what I want to do in life and how I want to do it. However, since these things don't happen overnight, I need a job in the meantime while I am taking steps towards what I am passionate about. I so thankful that Ryan is so supportive as I am figuring all this out and am thankful that because of his job, I have been able to take the time to do so.
I do have hope that something will come along and know that God's will is infinitely better than mine and I am trying to keep that in mind as I keep searching. I am also proud that I've had the courage to look into what I really want to do instead of staying complacent for as long as I could. I feel frustrated that as a woman, there is always some degree of choice between raising your children and putting everything into a career. Family will always come first for us and I know I would be completely happy staying at home with our (future) children. However, over the past couple months, I have discovered interests of mine that could lead to a career that could compliment being a stay-at-home mom. Originally I was just going to find another job for the time between now and when we start a family and then quit. But the amount of time I've had to think about different options and led me to at least discover how I can take my interests and what I love doing and turn that into a job that I could do from home and actually enjoy. Of course, I will take life as it goes and make decisions as they come and try not to plan everything out right now. We will do what is right for our family when it is right, whether this means working or not.
I must admit that I do feel better just having typed this out and although I'm slightly reluctant to hit the "publish post" button and show all of you that life isn't always good food and happy family events, I think honestly is important and so is admitting that you don't have everything together and never will. That being said, I have to say again that I am so incredibly blessed that Ryan is so supportive of me - he pushes me towards the right thing when I am hesitating or feeling hopeless, he only wants the best for me and for us, and he has been so much more positive about the job situation than I would have been had it been the other way around. I missed him desperately today and when he walked through the front door, I immediately felt calm. I know that no matter what life brings us, with him by my side, life is good - even though at times I may not feel well, may feel discouraged, and may feel exhausted. He is my rock.
Romans 8:28 - 31: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose... if God is for us, who can be against us?"